pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
