Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
