We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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