I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
