Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
