good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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