My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
