I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There are leaves in my underwear?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
