Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
