I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
