i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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