No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
