When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
