Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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