i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
