i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
