I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
