My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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