Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
