The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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