don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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