i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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