Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize