a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
