The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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