i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
