even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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