Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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