My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
