she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize