No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
