I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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