U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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