I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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