i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm like, not good at living.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
