Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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