ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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