I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
