Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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