I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
