When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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