My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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