Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
