apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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