Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
