Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
