So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
