I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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