did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
