Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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