i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
