youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
In America we eat man semen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Randomize
