Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
