He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
