I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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