I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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