I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
