just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
