Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
