She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
