Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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