I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
