Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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