She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
