I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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