And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
