that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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