you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
