Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
