If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
