so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
