I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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