RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
